So this is going to be a fairly ‘deep’ post, so if you’re not up for a little bit of mental health chat then tune out…:)
I won’t beat around the bush when I say, (and anyone who knows me will agree) that this is not a simple task for me… I’m not a ‘talker’ when it comes to myself and any ‘inner struggles’ I may face!! AND to be honest, I don’t want to bore anyone on here either BUT I’ll touch on my own experience briefly…
So, I would have to go back probably about 8-9 years when my life got turned upside down and inside out.. without me even realising it, to be quite honest!! I’ve always been a fairly happy-go-lucky kind of gal. Always a smile and a happy face and I would like to think I always just got on with things. I never dwelled or thought about things too much to be honest. (Wonder how many times I’ll say ‘to be honest’ in this post!!) So me, 8-9 years ago… well, let’s just say, I LOVED going out, having a ‘few’ drinks, some late nights and early mornings and the general banter that a young single girl has with her friends!! I never got a hangover either, life was great!!
Fast forward 2 years later and BANG!!!!!!!!!! Things were not fine!! And again, ‘to be honest’, I had NO idea things weren’t fine until I was told they weren’t fine! I wasn’t feeling great and having left it til I felt like I was about to die, (I’m a tad melodramatic from time to time) I went to my doc. When she asked me why I was sitting in front of her, apparently I listed off pretty much every symptom of ‘clinical depression’!!!! Yes, that’s right, clinical depression!!! I actually thought the doc had 100% lost the plot!! She continued to probe me and ask how I was feeling and my responses were, ‘well I THINK I FEEL…’ and it was then that she stopped me and asked me to ‘STOP THINKING AND START FEELING’ I was to stop thinking about how I was feeling and start ACTUALLY feeling!!! How the hell was I supposed to do this? Feeling? How the hell could I do this?? Feelings were not something I was familiar with all of a sudden… unknowns to myself I didn’t know how to feel without thinking….. Also, I wasn’t prepared to believe that she really thought I needed some help….Surely I couldn’t be one of those people??
Fortunately, my mind analyses things very quickly so it wasn’t long before I was able to stop and think, ‘shit! I flipping am!! What the actual hell??’ I wasn’t sure what to do next to be fair… of course the doc had given me some numbers and names of people she advised me to talk to… and as I have said, I am NOT a talker.. I don’t find it easy and even to this day I do not find it easy to talk about my ‘feelings’…
I wasn’t prepared to go and speak to a stranger and I felt that I was young and able enough to try and figure out why I was feeling the way I was… That was what I felt was best for me! It wasn’t easy at all and I had to do A LOT of soul searching but I made a promise to myself that if I couldn’t ‘fix’ myself that I would then seek actual help BUT I managed it, I took time out and managed to get back to me, I got back on track and things were good again!!! I also promised myself that I would never ever ignore myself and let things get like that again!!!
Fast forward now to about 2 years ago and things started to fall BUT life was so busy that I didn’t have time to even think about myself. Suddenly, before I even knew what day it was, I was slapped right back to where I was all those years ago…. except now I was older with more responsibilities and more people to consider…
So, after a few months of ‘fixing’ myself I decided to focus on all that was good!! I’m that person who has a list and a timeline for EVERYTHING! I’m a freak of nature!!! From I was a little kid even, we’d go for a ‘spin’ and I always needed to know where we were going and how long it would take… I’m pretty sure at some point I’ve even made a list of the lists I needed to make… it’s bad!!
So, at the end of 2015 after all the madness settled I wanted to make sure that I never missed a moment of 2016! I had felt like 2015 went by in a flash and not in a good way… so my plan was to do 365 Reasons To Be Grateful for 2016 to ensure that not one day went by without me sitting back and thinking about what I was grateful for!!!!!
As we approach the end of the year I think it’s fair to say I’ll look forward to not having to post a photo EVERY.SINGLE.DAY BUT I’ll also say that when I take a step back and look at all I’ve been grateful for, I am so so glad I’ve been doing it! Especially considering it has been one of THEE most important years of my life!!
I suppose my point of this post is to, firstly, she’s a bit of light on why people have been inundated with my daily Instagram posts and also to share a little mental health awareness from a person who STILL isn’t comfortable with sharing all aspects of my ridiculous mind!!!🙈 Mental health affects everyone differently and everyone deals with it in their own way but the main thing is to make sure you DO deal with!! If your mind is in an absolute mess eventually that will spill out and you’ll break so it’s best to ensure that doesn’t happen!! So I’m asking anyone who reads this to make a promise to yourself! Take time out for yourself once a week!!! Whether it’s getting a coffee by yourself or just going into a room by yourself and allowing yourself to just BE…. and spare a thought for the person next to you or the next person you meet… they may just need a little kindness today… so smile, say hello, offer help, anything!!! You never know what anyone is dealing with!!
Feel free to pop over to my Instagram to follow the rest of my year of gratitude if you like. If even one person has gotten something from reading this, I’ll be happy!!
Thanks so much if you’ve managed to stay awake to read all of this!!💕